Christmas is supposed to be essentially the most great time of the 12 months. And typically, it’s. I like the brilliant lights, the festive feels, the sense that magic is across the nook – and clearly, the meals. However I also can discover myself feeling lonely.
I’ve celebrated Christmas in many various methods over time – I’ve twice joined my buddy’s household in Italy for a standard (and vegetarian) Christmas, I’ve eaten Subway sandwiches in a motel by the Grand Canyon on spontaneous climbing journey with American pals, and I’ve spent many Christmases at residence with my household.
A few of these Christmases have been extra enjoyable than others – even Subway for Christmas lunch couldn’t destroy the Grand Canyon – however throughout nearly all of them, I’ve had moments of feeling lonely.
This loneliness isn’t at all times linked to something tangible. I’ve not often been alone in any of these celebrations. However feeling lonely isn’t the identical as being alone – they’re two very various things – and the older I get, the extra I realise that being alone can really really feel actually good, whereas being surrounded by individuals can go away me feeling lonely, particularly if I don’t really feel linked to them.
It doesn’t imply you possibly can’t really feel lonely when you’re alone – in fact you possibly can, and it’s why there are such a lot of wonderful charities on the market to assist remoted individuals who inevitably wrestle with loneliness. However for me, loneliness is all about feeling disconnected, whether or not it is from the individuals I’m round, and even from myself. I really feel it most at Christmas exactly as a result of it’s Christmas – there’s an expectation to be having a tremendous time, to be posting all about it on social media, and to benefit from the few obligatory vacation days we get off from work.
I used to really feel it most once I was single and didn’t need to be. I’d scroll by way of my socials and see coupled-up pals publish cute pictures of impossibly considerate presents and festive ‘we’re engaged!’ selfies. I’d really feel a not-so-festive pang of loneliness, made worse by the guilt that I used to be being a Grinch as an alternative of sending them loving Christmas power.
However because the years have passed by, I’ve learnt that this loneliness is regular. The extra I attempt to combat it, the more severe it will get. Distracting myself from it doesn’t absolutely work both – particularly if I’m making an attempt to numb the sentiments with meals and TV. Generally, it helps to achieve out to somebody – nevertheless it relies on how they are going to react. In the event that they get it, then the sense of connection immediately counteracts the loneliness. But when they reply with a clean look, or a jovial ‘nevertheless it’s Christmas!’ then I really feel lonelier than ever.
The perfect factor I can do once I really feel lonely – whether or not it’s at Christmas or simply in my on a regular basis life – is to embrace it. As an alternative of working away from it, I sit in it. If I’m surrounded by individuals, I’ll discover a quiet place (even when it’s the toilet) and simply take a second to attach with myself. I’m compassionate to myself, and I inform myself it’s a traditional feeling; it’s a part of being human. One in 4 individuals are at the moment lonely. I’m not alone in my loneliness. Generally, I try to hook up with all the opposite individuals sitting in loos making an attempt to not cry.