Two years in the past, in July of 2022, I wrote a be aware to myself on a Submit-it and caught it on the nook of my monitor after a very exhausting day.
It says, “Think about your self in July 2024, wanting again at your self now.”
On the time, I used to be a number of months right into a writing job which I favored with a Bay Space magnificence model, however issues on the horizon had been wanting grim.
An enormous chunk of the inventive group whom I labored with carefully had been let go due to finances cuts, and other people in key administration positions had been leaving left and proper.
I began taking over obligations that I didn’t really feel totally ready for, and it felt prefer it was solely a matter of time earlier than I used to be let go, too.
(Spoiler alert, it occurred only a couple brief months later.)
The burden of fear
I started experiencing heightened nervousness fairly often. I fearful not nearly my job however about every little thing in my orbit—Connor, funds, issues breaking round the home, and many others., every day. Even seemingly small issues, just like the altering of the structure at Dealer Joe’s, would actually, REALLY stress me out. I attempted to placed on a courageous face for the skin world, however inside, it felt like there have been threats coming at me from all angles. It was getting tougher and tougher to “carry on keepin’ on.”
What was it that prompted me to put in writing this message to myself, I can’t bear in mind precisely, however now, wanting again, I’m guessing that one thing deep inside me, the a part of me that has at all times helped preserve me protected, knew that I wanted a lifeline. My inside compass, providing up a small kernel of hope.
The be aware sat on the nook of my monitor for 2 years. Day in, time out, from that day till now.
In that chunk of time, I did lots of exhausting issues.
Rejection, I do know thee effectively
I utilized for and bought rejected from so many roles, OMG! I’d undergo total interview processes that will final months, and I’d make it to the very finish to lose the place to another person who was just a bit bit extra skilled than I used to be. This occurred no less than 5 or 6 instances. It was heartbreaking.
I additionally navigated a scary sickness whereas switching our household’s healthcare protection to a brand new system. Facet be aware, this was actually very troublesome. Ten out of ten DO NOT RECOMMEND. However after a number of scary incidents, sifting by way of a number of docs who handed me round like a sizzling potato, and oh so many scary exams, I’m nonetheless right here, and hopefully I will likely be for some time, knock on wooden.
I drew boundaries with unhealthy relationships, and whereas social media makes it sound like that is straightforward, it’s not. Folks get harm from all sides. Sigh.
The sunny spots
Good issues additionally occurred throughout that point, too, although.
Ultimately, I discovered the job I presently have now on the faculty, and whereas it’s not what I had deliberate at this level in my profession, I’m blissful that I work cheap hours and have the time to spend with Connor whereas she’s younger and nonetheless wants rather a lot from me.
Connor additionally sailed by way of first and second grade, and she or he’s studying the best way to higher deal with the challenges of elementary faculty. Facet be aware: bear in mind the playground drama out of your childhood years? It’s nonetheless there, besides the women are sneakier and meaner.
El Hub began a brand new job that provides him extra time to spend with us, and oh! We added one other member to our fam bam, Miss Marnie the Aussie, who’s lots of excessive power enjoyable.
Anyway, it’s been a protracted two years and I really feel like such a distinct particular person now. I imply, sure, I nonetheless carry some weight of the fear I felt that day after I wrote the Submit-it, however it’s not as heavy because it used to really feel.
I’ve principally good days, and for the primary time shortly, I’m fairly blissful.
the previous saying that this too shall go?
I assume it does. And typically it takes a Submit-it that will help you out alongside the best way to remind you that issues will finally get higher.
Two years from now, it’ll be July 2026. My hope for us is that by then, we’re all feeling regular and robust, and that we’re in a very good place.
Should you can’t see it now, grasp in there. You’ll get there in time.
Your pleasant neighborhood magnificence addict,
Karen