Some individuals are by no means glad.
You win a championship, but really feel the necessity to add baseball’s finest pitcher.
You might have vehicles lined up across the block, but you determine including McRib to the menu will silence the horns.
You might have the very best programming within the historical past of basketball, but some buffoon recommends adjustments.
Uh, that latter man is me … Buffoon with a capital B.
The “NBA on TNT” pre- and (particularly) post-game exhibits have been a godsend to basketball and comedy followers alike. (Insert your Washington Wizards jokes right here.)
Ernie Johnson is a masterful juggler. Kenny Smith will be Captain Apparent, however in a helpful method in that it serves lollipops to Charles Barkley, a giant eater who swings for the fences and hates curve balls. And Shaquille O’Neal… because the NFL is beginning to determine, each primetime present wants a cartoon character.
It’s equally entertaining and give-me-something-to-throw-at-the-TV. You recognize, kinda just like the Baltimore Ravens.
However these award-winning performances lack one thing… and that one thing was on full show (or maybe higher said: not on show in any respect) following Wednesday’s loopy end between the Warriors and Rockets.
Sir Charles, as standard, provided robust opinions, some on issues that by no means occurred. Ernie and Kenny scratched their heads—questioning, “Had been you paying consideration, Chuck?”—and” provided little else. And Shaq was… effectively, keep in mind: Snoopy can’t discuss.
Critical followers wished to know what simply occurred and why it shouldn’t have occurred. A lot of it concerned sport methods, one thing of which the Unfit Foursome has left to smarter folks than themselves of their careers.
What the present wanted was Pat Riley or Rick Pitino. A Corridor of Famer with the heart to go public with a former colleague’s screw-ups.
Phil Jackson with a persona. George Karl or Don Nelson of their feuding days.
Somebody who would obtain the “Ten Good Issues To Say About The NBA Cup” memo and relegate it to the identical round file because the “How To Promote Jayson Tatum For MVP” dictum the league put out earlier.
You recognize, like Mike Brown after he turns bitter following his pending firing.
Throw Brown onto Wednesday’s late-night postgame present, and right here’s what a really award-winning telecast might need appeared like …
The Rockets have the ball, down three, with 32.1 seconds to go. Steve Kerr inserts Kevon Looney into the sport for protection. Alperen Sengun overpowers the undersized Looney for a layup 5.1 seconds later.
Ernie: Highly effective transfer.
Shaq: He jogs my memory of Tim Duncan.
Brown: Why on this planet is Steve placing Looney within the sport? Draymond Inexperienced is manhandling Sengun. Plus, should you lock down the perimeter and get 8.1 seconds to run off the clock with out permitting a 3-pointer … Even should you quit a layup, the Rockets then should foul, and you’ve got the very best foul shooter in NBA historical past. Recreation over.
The Warriors have the ball, up one, with 27.0 seconds to go. With nonetheless 11 seconds left (eight seconds on the 24-second clock), Stephen Curry makes an attempt a night-night 3-pointer. It misses.
Chuck: Curry value them the sport. You possibly can’t shoot that early. There’s solely three seconds left should you wait till the top of the shot clock earlier than capturing. He performed hero ball.
Brown: Been on this scenario 1,000,000 occasions, Chuck. Steve doesn’t have you ever in your prime. If he did, he’d throw it to you, you’d stick your outsized rear bumper into the defender and again him into the primary row earlier than dropping in a layup with 3.1 seconds left. However he’s obtained Curry. The 2024 Clutch Participant of the 12 months. It’s important to belief that he’ll get a very good shot, which he did. He makes that shot, they win. Too many coaches flip conservative at important moments like that. That’s often not such as you, Chuck. An excellent shot at any level trumps a foul shot after 24 seconds. It’s known as enjoying to win. Chuck, you ever heard of Dan Campbell?
Curry’s miss deflects towards the sideline. Teammate Gary Payton II dives on it as Fred VanVleet piles on. There’s solely 8.1 seconds left.
Chuck: VanVleet jumped on his again. The place’s the foul name?
Brown: You’re lacking the purpose, Chuck. The place’s the timeout? Have a look at the highest of the display screen: Steve is three steps onto the court docket. What, he wants a greater view? Name a rattling timeout. Scream it. Any elementary faculty coach can let you know that. Your man is on the ground. You suppose what occurs subsequent goes to be a very good factor? He calls a timeout there; they win.
From his abdomen and with 200 kilos on his again, Payton tries to go the ball to Jonathan Kuminga. Aaron Rodgers has thrown higher 15-hoppers this season. It goes proper to Houston’s susceptible Jalen Inexperienced, who in flip will get the identical remedy VanVleet gave Payton. Alertly amid the chaos, Dillon Brooks alerts for a timeout. The 2 closest refs have a look at one another: Is it a timeout or a soar ball? Then the crew chief butts in. He’s calling a foul on Kuminga with 3.1 seconds left. Inexperienced can be despatched to the road for 2 game-winning free throws.
Kenny: It does appear like Kuminga fouled him, however you’ll be able to’t name that there.
Chuck: Kerr ought to have challenged.
Ernie: Kerr mentioned he thought he’d lose the problem and didn’t wish to danger his last timeout.
Brown: It’s important to problem there. Look, Billy Kennedy is an efficient referee. Get the glare of the pink court docket out of his eyes, and he’ll understand he made a mistake. When he seems to be on the monitor with cooler heads in Secaucus in his ear, he’ll see: I can’t NOT name a foul on VanVleet, then name one on Kuminga. We are able to fake to have seen the timeout sign from Brooks BEFORE the foul. It’ll be a straightforward promote on each groups. Let the gamers determine the end result; that’s what a very good ref does. I discovered that in elementary faculty.
As a substitute, the Rockets went to Vegas this weekend. So did Ernie, Kenny, Chuck and Snoopy, er, Shaq.
Surprise what Don Nelson is doing.