The friendship paradox – The Atlantic

that’s the case when you end up feeling the “post-rescheduling butterflies.”

A black-and-white photo of people eating by themselves in a restaurant
Alec Soth / Magnum

That is an version of The Marvel Reader, a e-newsletter during which our editors advocate a set of tales to spark your curiosity and fill you with delight. Join right here to get it each Saturday morning.

Recently, my pals and I’ve been speaking a few euphoric feeling you would possibly name the “post-rescheduling thrill.” It’s what occurs when you’ve dinner plans with a good friend, probably on a chilly or wet weeknight, they usually textual content you a number of hours earlier than to say that one thing has come up, or they’re not feeling nicely, and will you reschedule? To be clear, you do need to see this good friend; however the second they inform you they will’t make it, the brand new prospects of your evening unfold earlier than you: You are able to do your laundry; you may go to mattress early; you may spend high quality time along with your companion.

American life typically feels too busy for seeing our pals. And if that’s at instances true for the childless younger Millennials in my very own cohort, it’s much more true for folks or these with elder-care tasks. My colleague Olga Khazan wrote earlier this week that the loneliness disaster in America is extra difficult than meets the attention; it’s not precisely that Individuals don’t have pals, however as a substitute that they’re not seeing the buddies they do have. Or, as Olga places it: “The everyday American, it appears, texts a bunch of individuals ‘we must always get collectively!’ earlier than watching TikTok alone on the sofa after which passing out.”

In the present day’s e-newsletter explores the way to transfer past “We must always get collectively!” and the post-rescheduling thrill, and pursue friendships that mildew themselves to your specific stage in life.


On Friendship

The Friendship Paradox

By Olga Khazan

All of us need extra time with our pals, however we’re spending extra time alone.

Learn the article.

Why Individuals All of the sudden Stopped Hanging Out

By Derek Thompson

An excessive amount of aloneness is making a disaster of social health.

Learn the article.

Why You By no means See Your Buddies Anymore

By Judith Shulevitz

Our unpredictable and overburdened schedules are taking a dire toll on American society.

Learn the article.


Nonetheless Curious?

  • The scheduling woes of grownup friendship: To keep away from the dreaded back-and-forth of coordinating hangouts, some pals are repurposing the shared digital calendar, a office staple, to plan their private lives, Tori Latham wrote in 2019.
  • Pay rather less consideration to your pals: Depth would possibly look like a quick observe to connection, however shared distraction may be extra highly effective, Richard A. Friedman argued in 2023.

Different Diversions


P.S.

A seagull
Courtesy of Kate Schecter

I lately requested readers to share a photograph of one thing that sparks their sense of awe on this planet. Kate Schecter, 65, writes, “This can be a seagull at Lake Michigan that stored poking round my toes. I used to be amazed at its magnificence and brazenness.”

— Isabel